Were you dumped out of the blue? Have you loved and lost? Anyone who has been there will tell you, breaking up is more than hard to do. It stinks. Big time.
You’re probably dealing with waves of sadness, anger, confusion and maybe self-doubt and jealousy. Most relationships end, so everyone goes through it at some point, and broken hearts have inspired millions of songs and poems. While there’s no surefire cure for a broken heart, these time-tested tips could help soften the blow.
1. Talk to someone you trust.
A friend, your suitemate, a brother or sister or one of your parents—just as long as it is someone who will listen. Then let it all out. A good friend won’t let you feel sorry for yourself very long. And you shouldn’t either.
2. Have a good cry.
There’s no shame in crying every now and then, and breaking up can be really, really hard. (By the way, all you macho men, tough guys cry, too.). Cry and let it all out in writing if that works for you, but then do something fun. You may feel like being alone for a while, but that doesn’t mean you can’t read, listen to music or do other things that are perfect for solo time.
3. Be good to yourself.
Remember what’s good about you. This one is really important. It can be easy to blame yourself for the break-up—if only you were smarter or more attractive or richer or. . .you name it! Ask your friends—they’ll remind you of all your good qualities! You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, right?
4. Stay busy.
Go out to the movies, see a concert or go out with friends…anything that keeps you distracted and occupied. Get out of your room when you’re ready. It will make you feel better.
5. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.
If you sling mud, you’ll end up dirty! Spreading rumors or betraying confidences for revenge will only come back to you and hurt you in the end. And if someone does it to you, don’t play their game—you’ll be the loser if you do.
6. Focus on the future.
It’s normal to think about what you had and lost. When a relationship ends, some people obsess about things they think they did wrong, or how things could have turned out differently. Instead, learn from this experience and make some changes for the next relationship, but don’t dwell on the past. Hindsight is always 20/20 so don’t put yourself down for things that can’t be changed. Give yourself a few days, and then start thinking about what you want in the future and how to get it. Change is always hard, but it’s an opportunity for growth and new experiences.
7. Give yourself time to heal.
Even if it feels like you’ve been kicked in the gut, that awful feeling will go away in time. Getting over a breakup can take days, weeks or months, but it will happen—if you let it.
8. Get professional help if you need it.
Most broken hearts heal after a while. But if you’re still miserable after a few weeks, if you are using drugs or alcohol to feel better, if you can’t sleep or get things done or if you’re growing more depressed every day, don’t go it alone. Visit the school’s counseling center and talk to someone who can help you move on and feel better. You’ll be glad you did.